The more the merrier
by 908-03
Summary: Due to various circumstances people like Sera, Haibara, agasa Hakase, Subaru and more moved into the Mouri Detective Agency. With so many people sharing the detective agency, hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter 1:The more the merrier

I need to thank _MoonRaven95_ for her words of encouragement on my first fanfic attempt. This is my second attempt and unlike my previous story, this story is intended to be funny in a silly way. There is a fine line between being disgusting and hilarious, I shall tread the line carefully. Warning: slight OOC-ness for comedy's sake.

**Disclaimer: I am not an arsonist in real life**

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><p><strong>"Madness, as you know is a lot like gravity, all it takes is a little push."<strong>

"A serial arsonist who calls himself 908-03 has been burning down buildings in Tokyo. He always leaves a card behind the crime scene, one of the card explained that he is committing these crimes for the lulz. Police are still investigating his identity while he continues to terrify Tokyo…"

"Good-for-nothing #^$%*!" Kogoro swore as the trio were watching that particular news broadcast while having their breakfast.

"Otou-san, don't swear in front of Conan!"

The doorbell rang. "Ran, open the door."

"Yo!"

"Sera-san! What are you doing here on this Sunday morning, wait why are you bringing your luggage? Don't tell me that the hotel you were staying at got burned down by 908-03 and you have nowhere else to go!"

"You are wrong about the first part; the truth is my father's friend could no longer support my hotel fees although he can still support my school fees. So can I stay here please, just like Conan-kun. Of course, I will help out with all the household chores and my father's friend will pay you a fine amount of money as well."

"You gotta be kidding me!" Conan thought.

Kogoro weighed in the pros and cons. Unlike the four-eyed brat, the tomboy is a mature teenager, so she should be a lot less troublesome. On top of that she is a detective herself too, she can be a help with his work. Furthermore her fighting skills are on par with Ran, with a Karate Master on one side and a Jeet Kune Do practitioner on the other he is probably one of the safest men in Beika. Plus, when he took Conan in he sort of fulfilled his dream of having a son, now he can sort of fulfill his dream of having two daughters.

"You are welcome!" Kogoro declared.

"Thank you Kogoro-san!"

"That's great, we can study together." Ran chirped.

However, Conan was not taking this very well. He was so shocked that one of his pupils was bigger than the other one. Masumi had barely settled down before the doorbell rang again, "Brat, your turn to answer the door!" Kogoro barked.

Conan opened the door, and he nearly had a heart attack. Three people were standing outside the door of the detective agency, namely Okiya Subaru, Agasa Hakase and Haibara Ai. Subaru was clutching a big box with the word 'important' scribbled on it and a bag, Hakase was carrying a computer while Haibara was holding a small bag. Conan was out of words, "please don't tell me that Hakase and **my **house were burned down by 908-03" he thought.

"Let's get straight to the point, Hakase's house as well as Kudo's house were burned down. We don't have anywhere else to go do we?" said the strawberry blond girl. "It seems that I have the bad luck of constantly getting the place I am staying at burned down by arsonists, just like Conan-kun constantly running into murders." Subaru remarked.

Conan screamed skyward. Ran looked at them sympathetically. Kogoro said, "Well, a friend in need is a friend indeed, Agasa Hakase and the Haibara girl can stay." "Well the Haibara girl is cute too" Kogoro thought to himself. Pointing his finger at Subaru, Kogoro continued, "As for you, give me a convincing reason to let you stay."

"Ah, I think Subaru-san can be your apprentice just like Amuro-san." Conan replied for Subaru. Initially Conan wanted to keep some distance between Subaru and his private life, but now that Subaru already realised Conan is Kudo Shinichi Conan supposed it wouldn't make that much of a difference and Subaru can keep an additional eye on Bourbon, although he was concerned about Sera discovering the real identity of Subaru.

"Just like Conan-kun said, please allow me to be your apprentice Kogoro-san. I can also work part-time at Café Poirot, just like Amuro-san." Subaru said. Ran and Masumi looked surprised this time, while Conan simply sighed.

"But Ran do we have enough space to house all these people?"

"Barely, I think."

"Fair enough, count Okiya Subaru in as well."

"Oi Haibara what about the antidote?" Conan whispered.

"You should be thankful. We saved the computer containing all my research data as well as the temporary antidotes I have in stock. Hakase's lab was not so lucky though."

"Well, as for me I don't have much personal belonging to begin with. But I stumbled upon this sealed box with the word 'important' written on it, I figured it is the most precious belongings of the Kudo family so I escaped with it, I have no idea what is in it though." Subaru said to no one in particular.

"Oh $%^&" Conan thought, he knew what exactly was inside and he wasn't keen on letting others to find out.

"Before I inform Shinichi about the abysmal news, let's find out what is inside. I couldn't help but to feel curious." Ran said.

"Me too!" Masumi added

"Ah…that's…" But it was already too late, the two inquisitive girls opened it and they screamed indignantly.

"Ran! What's inside?"

"A stash of P-P-P-P-Po-po-por-n!" Masumi stuttered, answering for Ran. Ran was too shocked to say anything. Conan facepalmed in shame, while Haibara gave him a weird look.

"During the time when we went to clean Shinichi's house, Sonoko joked about Shinichi hiding adult magazines, looks like she was right after all." Ran thought

"Kudo Shinichi, my idol…. image shattered." Masumi thought.

The two teenage girls suddenly sprang into action, took out some of the magazines and flipped through it. Haibara joined the ranks, somewhat surprised that the two physically older girl made no attempt to stop her. Meanwhile Conan was trying to dug a hole on the ground with his own fingers.

"So this is what Kudo-kun/Shinichi was secretly reading. Yuck, it is degrading and disgusting." The three women said in unison.

Suddenly the perverted part of Kogoro, Subaru's brain got the better of them, the two men tried to move closer to the box to get a good look at the magazines but stopped dead in their tracks. The two men could feel it, the heat radiating from the terrifying aura forming around the three women. Conan started to bang his head against the wall.

"Eww! This page is covered in white stuff and it smells…", without warning Masumi shoved it really close to Subaru's face. "Oi Subaru, you really didn't know what is inside the box right. You are not the one responsible for **this** right!?"

"Of course not. I am impotent." (He might be lying though)

The doorbell rang for the third time that day, Agasa opened the door. The one who rang the doornell was none other than Kuroba Kaito.

"Today is a weird day, he looks like my twin. A doppelganger just like Kaito Kid is to me Kudo Shinichi! What the heck is this stranger doing here, don't tell me his house burned down somehow." Conan thought.

"But Shinichi/Kudo-kun is right here as Conan. How come another Shinichi/Kudo-kun is standing at the door." Agasa and Haibara were both bewildered at the scene.

"Speak of the devil." Masumi muttered.

"Shinichi…" Ran growled like a horrible beast. Kuroba was obviously scared %^&*less, "tantei-kun, what on earth did you do that made your girl so angry." He thought.

Before Kuroba could clarify that he was merely a doppelganger, Ran kicked him in the groin, and before Kuroba could fully register the pain Masumi kicked him at the exact same spot as well. Every single male grabbed their crotch as if it was some sort of reflex and grimaced. Kuroba collapsed to the ground, tears flowing out of his eyes as he curled into a ball.

"Oyaji, I can see you out there, does that mean I am dead. Funny, I always thought if I am gonna die so young I will be shot dead by Snake or something like that. It never crossed my mind that I will be killed by two kicks to the crotch from two chicks. Hey it rhymes!"

"Kaito, I am afraid that the Grim Reaper is not interested in you. He is afraid that your trickster tendencies will wreak havoc in the other world so instead you're punishment must be more severe."

"Shinichi! Wake up! Shinichi!"

"Oi Kudo-kun, you have a lot to explain to."

Kuroba Kaito opened his eyes, he was lying on a sofa. People were looking at him, tantei-kun, the two girls who almost killed him, a peach-haired bespectacled man, Mouri Kogoro, a bald bespectacled old man and a strawberry blonde child.

"I am not Kudo Shinichi…"

"Shinichi you really think we will believe that?"

"Oi detective brat, I am more concerned about your manhood."

Conan was too shocked to the point where he stood still like a statue and his countenance froze, he was just grateful that the doppelganger took the hits instead of him. Haibara nudged him, "Kudo-kun don't you think you should clarify the confusion. Call your girl or something."

"Haibara, there is only one truth. The truth is I will die if I ever talk to Ran as Shinichi again." Conan said, trembling.

The doorbell ranged for the fourth time, Subaru opened the door. Everyone was shocked; this time round it was Ran who stood outside the detective agency and rang the bell. Wait a second, are you high? Ran was inside the detective agency, beside her childhood friend doppelganger. Oh wait, she was not Ran, she was Nakamori Aoko!

"Kaito! Are you alright?" Aoko cried, running towards the sofa-ridden Kaito. Everyone was stunned, she looked like Ran's twin.

"Eh! You mean he is not Shinichi?! Wait who are you?"

"Does that mean we just kicked the wrong balls?"

"I am Nakamori Aoko, Aoko is Kaito's best friend."

"Who is this guy again?!"

"I told you I am not Shinichi! I am Kuroba Kaito!" Kaito managed to say that weakly, groaning in pain.

"I am so sorry!" Both Ran and Masumi blurted out in embarrassment.

"Anyway I think it would be wise to call Ariade-sensei." Agasa suggested.

"Already did, but his clinic was attacked by 908-03 as well. He survived but is currently too traumatized to function as a doctor." Haibara said.

"Kaito, how bad are you hurt?" An extremely worried Aoko asked as she tried to take off Kaito's pants

"Aoko whadaf-"

"I am worried!" she cut him off.

"Oh my! Again words cannot express how sorry we are but, it is purple and swelling." Masumi remarked. Ran was out of words.

"No don't. Please don't have that involuntary body reaction! Please. Now I understand what you meant by 'you're punishment must be more severe.'" Kaito thought.

As if his body was rebelling against him, he had exactly that reaction.

"It's reacting! Thankfully looks like it is not that damaged."

"Anyway, why are earth are you two doing here to start with?" A bewildered Kogoro asked the question that everyone else had wondered but did not ask, while pointing his fingers at Kaito and Aoko.

Before anyone could attempt to answer that(If there was even an answer to that). Hattori Heiji and his not-girlfriend Toyama Kazuha barged in, after all Nakamori Aoko did not close the door.

"Yo! Kudo! No time no see..eh wutdafu-hell is going on?"

Kazuha gasped. After all the two Osakans just saw Kudo Shinichi lying on a sofa with his manhood exposed, and three girls were studying it closely. Two of the girls looked like twins while the third looked like a boy. Also the Agasa old man, the Haibara girl, Conan-kun and another guy who had peach-coloured hair were standing around the sofa as well.

"Kudo is lying on the sofa with his manhood exposed, yet Kudo is standing near the sofa as Conan who is frozen like a statue. Who is the real one? Wait a second, since the scientist girl is also there then Conan is not a disguise. Which means the guy lying on the Sofa is not the real Kudo, but then who is he?" Heiji thought.

"Ah, Hattoti-kun and Kazuha-chan! Well, it is a long story…"Ran greeted them, attempting to explain the really complicated situation.

"The Agasa house and the Kudo house were burned down by 908-03, so Hakase and I as well as this Subaru-san decided to seek refuge at the Mouri Detective Agency." Pointing at Subaru, Haibara continued "He is Okiya Subaru, he was staying at the Kudo house because his apartment burned down. All he managed to save from the Kudo house was a box with the word 'important' scribbled on it, of which Mouri-san and Sera-san discovered to be a box was a stash of adult magazines. I have no idea why Sera-san is here to start with-"

"I cannot stay at a hotel anymore!" Masumi interjected.

"Then a Kudo Shinichi lookalike barged in, who was mistaken as the real Kudo Shinichi. The two angry girls elegantly kicked him in the crotch. Afterwards this lookalike's 'best friend' who happened to be a lookalike of Mouri-san barged in and they three decided to violate his privacy by inspecting his crotch. I would say that his pride is more injured than his manhood though."

With three girls whose face was really close to his private part, Kuroba Kaito was getting uncomfortably excited. "Cover it…please." Kaito managed weakly. Ran quickly covered it up with a blanket. The doorbell ranged for the fifth time, Heiji answered the door.

"Keibu-dono! What brings you here?" Mouri Kogoro exclaimed as they all realised the one who ranged the doorbell for the fifth time was Megure Keibu.

"Mouri-kun! I was kicked out of the house by my wife, both of us have difficult wives you understand how it feels right?"

"Of course. You are welcome to stay here before your wife let you return, I understand precisely how you feel. Plus Agasa-san and Okiya Subaru-san can keep you company!" Kogoro answered the unspoken question.

Conan screamed skyward for the second time that day.

"Megure Juzo is now indebted to Nemuri no Kogoro!" Megure Keibu declared.

"Otou-san, can we really handle that many people?" Ran whispered to Kogoro

"Fear not my daughter. Yesterday I realised I won the lottery, I am loaded right now! The more the merrier!"

"So why are you here? And your last name is Nakamori…are you related to the Nakamori from second division?" Kogoro asked the two Magic Kaito characters again.

"Aoko is his daughter! The boy lying on the sofa is called Kuroba Kaito. The truth is Kaito's apartment was burned down by 908-03 a few says ago, so he went to stay with Otou-san and Aoko. Unfortunately 908-03 attacked our house as well, now our house has been burned down and Otou-san went missing! The police at the scene were sure that he did not die in the burning building!" Aoko explained, she had the tendency to refer to herself as third person.

"So you want me to find Nakamori-keibu, your dad?"

"Yes Sir"

"How about you two Osakans?" Kogoro asked

"Ah…my house was burned down by a 908-03 copycat, my parents are currently staying at Kazuha's place-"

"How do you know the arsonist was a copycat?" Subaru interrupted

"The *&#$%^ always leaves a card at the crime scene complete with his hand-drawn signature, just like that attention-whoring Kaitou Kid." Heiji replied

Aoko nodded in agreement, Kaito shifted uncomfortably on the sofa.

"Heiji don't use f-word in front of children." Kazuha reprimanded, pointing at Conan and Haibara.

"Aoho, none of them are actually kids! Oh #$%&" Heiji covered his mouth as he realised he just blurted out what he thought.

"Heiji/Hattori-kun/Oi Osaka brat what do you mean that they are not kids?" Several people asked in unison.

Haibara gave Heiji a death glare; sweats appeared on Heiji's forehead.

"Heiji-niichan are you high?" Conan asked with the intention to embarrass Hattori, but suddenly regretted it as he just said something rather un-childlike. Now everyone's attention was on Conan, while Haibara and Subaru gave him a smirk. "Ah I mean Heiji-niichan are you tall?" Conan quickly correct himself

"Without a doubt I am a tall and handsome man." Heiji declared, suddenly sensing a chance to further turn his tables and tease Conan. Heiji walked towards Conan and placed his palm on Conan's head, "A huge contrast to you shortie."

"Heiji that's mean, Conan-kun is just a child."

Kogoro made a fake cough, "Osaka brat, get back to topic ok?"

Before Heiji could pick up where he left off, the doorbell rang for the gazillionth time. Oh wait, I mean the sixth time. Masumi opened the door, the person outside was Ran's mother Kisaki-sensei. She was clutching onto her pet cat Goro

"Eri! What are you doing here?"

"Oka-san!"

"Looks like you have quite a company here, for your information I am not here because my place is burned down by 908-03. I am going on a business trip and I need you to take care of Goro. Ran, have fun." Kisaki-sensei dropped Goro off and left. Goro made a beeline for Haibara, maybe animals have a thing for her?

"Great so now you can add one cat to the eleven people at this agency. Hey Osaka brat continue your story on why you are here-"

A familiar cry cut off Kogoro's sentence.

"Eisuke-kun!"

Hondo Eisuke was at the door of the detective agency, he tripped as usual.

"What are you doing here?"

"Wait who is this guy?" Masumi and the Osakan duo asked.

"I am Hondo Eisuke, I used to be a transfer student in Ran-san's class. I am currently studying in America, I came back because it is a break at America right now. I decided to pay you a visit. Wow this place is really crowded, what are you lots doing here?"

Heiji, Kazuha and Masumi promptly introduced themselves. Eisuke was gentlemanly enough not to comment on Masumi's chest size

"Ignore this Eisuke kid for a moment, Osaka boy continue what you were trying so say." Kogoro demanded

"Oh yea, the reason why I am here is because-DAMN I forgot!"

"Oi Oi"

"Heiji you really can't remember? You never told me why we need to go to Tokyo as well."

"Give…give me some time to recall."

"Total Recall is 118 minutes long." Haibara commented.

Conan screamed skyward for the third time that day.

"Mouri-kun/Kogoro-san. I have never seen so many people at your place, what exactly is going on?" Megure and Eisuke inquired.

"Also can I stay here for the time being?" Eisuke added.

"Otou-san can we let him stay?" Ran pleaded.

As much as Conan wanted to shout "Hell no", he wasn't in a viable position to say so.

"If it is just a few days, I don't mind." Kogoro answered.

Conan finally gave in to this madness and he fainted.

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><p>Post-story dialogue<p>

Conan: This fanfic is lowering my IQ level as I read it.

Heiji: Hey 908-03, what drug were you smoking when you wrote this story? I want it.

908-03: I was just listening to Pirates of Caribbean soundtrack-He's a Pirate.

Masumi: 908-03 what do you have in store for us?

908-03: No solid idea. Adult men will get drunk, some lies will be uncovered I think.

Masumi: Eh! Does that mean Shu-nii was lying about the white stuff in the magazine!?

Subaru/Shuichi: I am not Akai Shuichi!

Masumi: How do you know my brother's last name?

Subaru/Shuichi: Oh #%^&


	2. Chapter 2:A study at getting drunk

Yes, I managed Chapter 2! Thank you my reviewers Guest, Sylkabe and Detective Cat. I hope everyone will find this chapter just as funny as the last, if not funnier. During my first chapter I mentioned about "a fine line between being disgusting and hilarious", by that I mean I will try not to make my work overdosed with crude humour to the point where people don't find it funny anymore, however this time round I decided to be more outrageous and this chapter is littered with gross-out humour, you know just a small warning in good faith.

**Disclaimer: I do not have a grudge against Porsche, in fact my account is named after the Porsche 908/03 race car.**

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><p><span>Chapter 2: A study at getting drunk <span>

**"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."**

Conan lay lifelessly on the floor (no, he is not dead).

"Conan-kun are you alright?" Ran asked in a concerned tone.

"Just leave the four-eyed brat alone, he will recover. Like the Kuroba kid." Kogoro ordered.

"We should move Conan-kun to rest in his own room, if possible Kuroba-kun as well." Agasa said.

"Kaito, can you stand?" Aoko asked her companion.

"It is still hurting, I hope I still can enjoy father's day some day in the future. I can stand, barely." Kaito said as he tried to stand up, while Ran and Masumi let him wrap his arms around their shoulders for support. With the two girls' help, the teenage magician moved to Conan's room. Agasa Hakase moved Conan into that room as well. "So now I am in tantei-kun's room, if not because of some crazy girls kicking me in the crotch this would have been fun." The magician thought. Meanwhile Ai explained the complicated situation to Megure Keibu and Eisuke, wondering why the role of explaining the messy situation always fell on her. Heiji now sat on the just-emptied sofa, his face looked like he was deep in thought.

"Something must have happened that wiped my memory. Don't tell me that neuralyzer exists." The detective of the west pondered.

"Osaka brat take your time. Now, for all the grown men among us, let's go have a drink! Drink until the last man standing! Okiya-kun, Agasa-san and Keibu-dono! I will make Amuro-kun go as well." Kogoro shouted.

"Mouri-kun that's not necessary-"

"No no no. I insist you lot join me, call it a rite of passage!"

"Well, I guess we don't really have a choice do we?"

"But Mouri-kun as a police officer I cannot get too drunk because even though I am currently off duty I may be called to the scene at any moment."

"Fair enough, I will make it easy for you Keibu dono. Let's go!"

"Ah wait, what about the search for Nakamori-keibu?" Kazuha asked.

"We got two teenage detectives here, they can handle it!" Kogoro said as the grown men left the detective agency.

The teenagers (including a shrunken one) plus a cat gathered at Conan's room.

"Nakamori-san, tell us more about your Dad's disappearance." Heiji requested.

"You know like if there were anything peculiar about him before his disappearance." Masumi added.

"All I can tell is Otou-san was going haywire because Kaito Kid did not appear for months."

"Because my apartment got burned down." Kaito thought.

"Sounds like he has a crush on Kid or something" Ai commented.

"No way in hell! Kaitou Kid is Otou-san's mortal enemy! He needs the thief to appear to catch him."

"We are not going to figure out anything this way, what don't we visit the scene of his disappearance." Eisuke suggested.

The teenagers left the detective agency as well to head to the Nakamori house, leaving Kaito who was suffering from crotch pain and Conan who fainted back at the detective agency. Meanwhile after having successively forced Amuro-kun to join them in drinking 'till the last man standing' (or so they thought as Amuro figured getting them drunk could be a good way to collect intelligence), the grown men headed to the place where they would drink till the last man standing.

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><p>"Mooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaar Alcohol!" Kogoro shouted. His eyes were glazed and his face was red.<p>

"Waiteeer!" Rei ordered.

The waiter is a tall man with long silvery hair that goes down to his hips, his hair obscured his murderous eyes. He served more alcohol to the four drunken men; Megure Keibu left early as he was called to a scene. He was shocked to see Bourbon was drinking with some civilians.

"Bourbon what the $%^* are you doing here?" Gin hissed under his breath, but the PSIA undercover agent was too drunk to hear him.

"Nice hair baby." Subaru reached out to play with Gin's hair, Gin grabbed his hand and pull it away.

"I like the way you grab my hand." Subaru commented between hiccups, he looked like he was blushing heavily although that was probably due to all the alcohol he consumed.

"Are you a guy or a girl?" Agasa chuckled as he gulped down he drink; they were all too drunk to realise the waiter was none other than Gin.

"Hey, can I join your guys?" If not because Subaru was so drunk, he would have realised that the voice belonged to James Black. Apparently, James Black did not recognise Subaru was Akai Shuichi. James looked as drunk as the four men did.

"Isn't this the FBI leader in Japan? I could have killed him if not because the boss ordered me not to kill anyone while I am working my cover job. Note to self: James Black comes here to drink, just like Bourbon. At least Vermouth is too drunk to mess with me." Gin thought.

"Of course, join us!" Kogoro replied in an exceptionally loud voice, some drunken people tends to do that.

No one noticed Vodka, who was sitting at a secluded corner, knitting a sweater.

At the site of the burned Nakamori house nothing but the structure of the building remained. Aoko started to cry, after all years' worth of memory there was just burned down and to make things worse her dad went missing, she had no other relatives to rely on. The house itself was cordoned off, obviously.

"What are you lots doing here?" Yuminaga-Keibu asked the group of teenagers.

"We are here to investigate Nakamori-keibu's disappearance." Heiji and Masumi said at the same time.

"Well, I can only guarantee that he is still alive. At least, he did not die in the fire. We still don't have the slightest clue about his whereabouts, nor do we have any clues on 908-03." The arson detective replied.

The group of teenagers asked around the neighbourhood for the whole afternoon and it was a fruitless affair; they knew nothing more about Nakamori-keibu's disappearance than they did before they left the Mouri Detective Agency.

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><p>Five drunken men were standing at a secluded place. They were roughly aligned shoulder to shoulder and were facing a wall, all of them had a countenance of determination. The flies of their pants were open for precisely the intended reason why fly exists on a pant, in other words they were going to urinate.<p>

"We have drank so much that our bladders are loaded. Now we shall see who can pee the highest!" Kogoro half-shouted to no one in particular. The four men unleashed the urine in their bladders.

Agasa Hakase felt a little disappointed; his stream of urine was the lowest of the five.

"I'm old." Hakase thought.

"Nya ha." Kogoro uttered when he appeared to be the one who could pee the highest, but much to his disappointment James Black managed to pee higher than him after adjusting his angle. "I am da boss at peeing just like I'm the boss of the FBI team," the British-born American said. "PSIA one, FBI zero." Rei shouted as the height of his stream of pee slowly overtook James Black's. None of them managed to pee higher than the wall itself.

"Holy%^&#, look at you! You are spraying everywhere." Rei remarked as the undercover agent realised his pants were stained by bits of Subaru's pee. Subaru's urine was not flowing at an impressive height but rather it was spraying at all directions like a shotgun, Subaru was showing a face of gratification, he was probably happy that he could finally relieve himself after drinking so much.

"Hmph, you men suck. I can pee higher than any of you." A tall woman approached the five drunken men. She was tall, voluptuous and just as drunk as the five men were. She also had long light blond hair, if the men were sober enough they would have realised she was Chris Vineyard/Vermouth.

"Trust me, compared to females males are anatomically advantaged by a wide margin." Rei replied to her challenge with an all-knowing face.

"Prove it! Prove that you can pee higher than all of us!" Subaru sneered.

She abruptly pulled down her long skirt as well as her underwear, and then flipped backwards to perform a headstand. After she was in headstand position she started to pee, unsurprisingly her stream of urine was higher than any of the men had managed, it went even higher than the wall. The men however were definitely not looking at how high she managed to pee.

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><p>Back to the teenagers the girls decided to visit a nearby mall and dragged Heiji and Eisuke along, partly because they wanted to cheer Aoko up. After their trip to the mall, the teenage gang returned to the Mouri Detecive Agency. Sera Masumi volunteered to go and get the men back to the detective agency, the men had been drinking for hours. Masumi visited the first place Ran suggested they might go and Masumi spotted them. As she approached them, she heard their chatting. The men had returned from the pissing contest to continue their drinking.<p>

"Have you seen any cute girls recently?" an extremely drunk Kogoro asked the rest.

"My inventions are my cute girls!" Hakase declared.

"One of my neighbours is a cute girl." Subaru replied.

"I think it was during the time when Conan-kun was kidnapped. There was a cute girl who was also chasing Conan-kun, she was chasing the kidnapped kid on a motor bike. In the end she knocked out the criminal using her own bike, talking about extreme response." Rei replied thoughtfully.

"That was me!" Masumi thought happily, it was after all the first time she heard someone describing her as a cute girl. "Wait, weren't you the one who made the criminal t-bone into your own car? 'Talking about extreme response', speak for yourself!" She mused.

"Really, you think that girl is cute? My sister looks like a boy and she is as flat as a flattened pancake." Subaru roared in fits of laughter.

Masumi froze in her track. After all, one of the reasons why she returned to Japan was to investigate her eldest brother's death and she just heard a man (a drunken one) who seemed to be claiming to be her brother. Maybe her brother faked his death and changed his appearance, she thought. Looking at how unbelievably drunk the men looked, she instantaneously concocted a plan to force the truth out of her brother, she smirked as she thought about the sheer insanity of that plan. Initially she went there to tell them to stop drinking, but she decided she would need her brother to be as drunk as humanly possible for the plan to work so she left them without saying a word. While she was elated by the possibility of finding her big brother alive and well, she was also boiling with rage for understandable reasons.

A while later when they were finally satisfied, the five adults exited through the back door and saw a black Porsche 356a parked outside on the reclusive street, no one else other than the five men was on the street.

"I don't like the vibe that this car gives me." Agasa Hakase mumbled.

"This car reminds me of my koibito who left me tears of blood…" Subaru hissed, his anger was evident in his tone.

"For your information, I suspect the owner of this car get sexually excited by killing people." Rei added.

"How do you know that, Amuro-kun?" For once Kogoro was thinking clearly.

"Ah, I picked up a few deductions skills from you, Mouri-sensei." Rei quickly explained, flattering Kogoro is the process

"Yah-hahahahah. Indeed I am the GREEAAAT detective Nemuri-no-Kogoro!" Kogoro laughed loudly.

"Let's get revenge for Subaru! Punish this obnoxious car!" James Black roared. A few whistles promptly followed his declaration.

Rei started to kick the black Porsche's door, he kicked with so much force that a dent had formed. The other men cheered as they moved towards the rear end of the car and opened the engine compartment, exposing the 1.5 Litre flat-four engine. The car was meticulously restored and in the eyes of a car-lover it would a work of art, and like any work of art there always seems to be lunatics eager to destroy it.

"This is for Ai-kun!" Hakase declared as he spat and sneezed out his snot onto engine repeatedly.

"For Akemi! Engine, taste my urine!" Subaru howled as he peed on the engine

Meanwhile Kogoro was busy trying and successfully leaving another type of bodily fluid on the engine, Rei continued to beat the #$^* out of the car and James Black returned with a crowbar.

"The day human beings realised they are better than other animals was the day they learned to use tools." James announced as he smashed the glass and roof of the Porsche with the crowbar. "This is one small step in the application of tools, but one giant leap for mankind!"

"Ouch, my stomach is not feeling well. I want to poop." Agasa said.

"Just poop on the engine then. Poop makes the soil more fertile, the metals used in this engine were extracted from the soil, therefore poop will also make the engine more fertile, by that I mean it will make a few more horsepower!" Subaru replied using logic.

"Doing it for science!" Agasa declared as he pulled down his pants and defecated on the engine, which was already covered in a disgusting mixture of body fluids.

"Looking at you pooping, I feel like pooping as well." Kogoro commented. Kogoro then took over Agasa's position and defecated on the engine as well, his pants were already pulled down when he was leaving his body fluid on the engine.

"Wanna join the fun." Subaru said as he defecated on the engine too right after Kogoro done his business. After Subaru emptied his large intestine, the three men resumed their duty of leaving different types of body fluids on the engine, and they switched fluid type with one another when they felt that they could not produce the current type of fluids.

With Bourbon's punches and kicks as well as James' crowbar attack, they hacked the left door off the 356a and shattered all the windows into a gazillion pieces. Not ready to end their abuse on Gin's car yet, James started to attack the A-pillar of the car with his crowbar as Rei briefly disappeared from the scene to get some other car-torture instruments. Soon Rei returned and he headed to the back of the car and stuffed potatoes into the car's exhaust pipes, he smirked as he saw the engine of the car have been covered in a nauseating a mixture of body fluids and faeces. After destroying the left A-pillar of the Porsche, James proceeded to hammer the hood of the car. Rei threw three canisters of pink spray at Hakase, Subaru and Kogoro, no further instructions were needed as the men start to spray paint the car. Finally, the battered car has been painted pink (not even the interior was spared), but they were not quite done yet.

Rei took out a purple spray, "who shall do the honour?" He asked.

Without saying anything, Subaru grabbed the purple spray and sprayed a giant purple phallus on the car's tattered surface.

"Everything is better with fire!" Hakase announced, "let's see what happens when we set this 'lubricated' engine on fire. For science!" Agasa Hakase took out an aerosol spray can while Kogoro lit a matchstick and gave the matchstick to Hakase, by positioning the lit match stick in front of the nozzle of the aerosol spray can Hakase created a makeshift flamethrower. (Author's note: Please do not try this at home, because the canister may rapture and explode, furthermore its smell is horrible)

Hakase set the covered-in-disgusting-body-fluids-and-faeces engine ablaze, some of them howled while others whistled. The smell was atrocious, partly due to nature of the aerosol flamethrower itself and partly due to the fact that certain bodily fluids and human faeces were set ablaze.

"It is like a bonfire!" James exclaimed.

"I like the smell! Guys I think we just invented a new kind of perfume." Rei said.

"This would smell nice on Akemi if she was still alive." Subaru imagined.

"Bonfire must have food! I will get it." Kogoro volunteered.

"Indeed for science, the great scientist Agasa Hiroshi has discovered the science of happiness!" Agasa Hakase shouted, you could hear the pride in his voice.

While the four men admired the burning engine, Kogoro returned clutching several plastic bags full of all kinds of food.

Kogoro first took out a carton of eggs and opened it. Rei quickly grabbed an egg and threw at the car and a satisfying crack was heard as the yolk and albumen splattered on the ruined pink Porsche.

"Amuro-kun don't waste food." Kogoro admonished like a mother would do when her child start to play with food.

Kogoro cracked open an egg by gently knocking the egg against the rear pillar of the car, he then moved to the back of the car where the engine was located and opened the eggshell and let the content slide down onto the burning and covered-in-disgusting-body-fluids-and faeces engine. They heard the egg sizzle as if it was cooked like a Teppanyaki cuisine, it sounded paradoxically delicious and their stomachs were grumbling for food.

"Nice…but how do we eat the egg? It is all scattered on the burning engine and by now, it should be overcooked." James asked a surprisingly important question.

"Well, we got this!" Kogoro took out a pair of tongs and he continued, "It's like barbeque!"

"Oh dear!" Agasa exclaimed as he took out a box of slices of deer meat from the plastic bag. Hakase ripped of the thin plastic cover and grabbed the pair of tongs from Kogoro, he then used the tongs to clamp one slice of deer meat and heat the meat over the fire of the burning engine. Hakase was so excited now that he was free from Ai-kun's supervision he could eat whatever he wanted, he withdrew his dear slice of deer meat from the fire way too early and just swallowed it without realising the deer meat was still half-raw.

"Delicious!"

"Agasa Hakase, patience is a virtue." Kogoro commented in an amused tone as he placed another slice of deer meat right on top of the burning engine, which was covered in poop and body fluids (you know, just in case you forget about it I decided I have the moral obligation remind you that fact), "you should cook it slowly." He explained.

"Let's see what else we've got here. Unagi!? Nice, Genta-kun will like this." Rei commented as he rummaged through the bag. "Wait, where is the grill mesh?" He wondered aloud.

"Don't act like that, a real man cook with a burning engine!" James answered for Kogoro, his voice full of passion and energy.

"There you go." Kogoro used the pair of tongs to snatch the slice deer meat up from the burning engine, the slice of meat was burnt crisp black and the men were also way to drunk to realise there were bits of burnt faeces on the burnt meat which was flavoured by burnt body fluids.

"Black is my favourite colour!" Subaru squealed as he snatched the disgusting burnt meat and shoved it into his mouth.

"This food is what heaven is made off!" Subaru exclaimed (remember they were all very drunk).

"Cook more eggs! We may not be able to do Sunny Side up, but we can still cook it without cracking the egg first." James grabbed the tongs and used it to cook an un-cracked egg by immersing the egg in the flames of the burning engine, however within a short few seconds the egg exploded. Burning hot albumen splashed onto James while bits of eggshell struck Agasa Hakase.

"Ouch!"

The egg did not explode due to some freak of kind event; in fact, it exploded precisely for the same reason why you don't microwave an egg. (Author's note: I know it might be tempting to try this, but please do not waste food.)

James angrily grabbed another egg and threw it against the pink Porsche, just as Rei did earlier.

"Oh man, what a waste! Look at the splattered egg you threw, it was twin! Two yolks in one egg!" Rei exclaimed.

"Hmph, if you are not gonna let me eat you cooked. I will eat you raw!" James grumbled as he grabbed his third egg, cracked it by knocking it against the car's rear pillar, then positioned the cracked egg above his mouth and opened it to let the raw content slide into his own mouth.

"Delicious! And I got lucky, three yolks in one egg, a triplet! What a mouthful." James uttered as he used his tongue to slide the three yolks around inside his mouth to enjoy the taste.

"Come on we ain't got all day and all night, let's cook all the meat!" Kogoro barked as he dumped the remaining slices of deer meat onto the burning engine. Subaru quickly followed Kogoro's order; he ripped open the bag of eels and dumped the eels onto the burning engine.

"We need a balanced diet! Look, here are some sunflowers I plucked from the nearby area." Agasa said as he threw the sunflowers into the inferno, together with all the deer meat and eels.

"Also, I think it will be nice if we can enjoy some fondue." James Black joined the conversation a while later, "You can see now I went to buy my favourite white chocolates and the most hardcore cheese in the world: Casu Marzu."

James unwrapped a white chocolate bar, and then he broke off the pieces one by one and let the pieces of white chocolate drop onto the burning engine. The chocolate melted instantly. "Now is the time to cook the awesome cheese." James opened a box revealing a piece of cheese, there were maggots squirming within the cheese (just as the cheese god intended), and the smell was awful (though not as awful as the burning engine). James dropped the cheese onto the burning engine; the maggots just joined the party of burnt body fluids, burnt faeces, burnt deer meat and burnt sunflowers.

(Author's note: I am not aware of the legal status of Casu Marzu cheese in Japan, but as you expect for a maggot-flavoured rotten cheese it has dubious legality in the European Union, check your own country/territory's law if you are interested in trying this cheese.)

"Maggots? Cool, they are an excellent source of protein." Agasa Hakase commented.

"Don't you guys think the fire is a bit too big? The food will be burnt easily, therefore I shall control the fire by peeing on the engine." Rei stated.

"That's a good idea." Kogoro replied, he was seriously not sarcastic at all.

Rei took of his trousers but he immediately felt the surface temperature of his crotch area had rose by a few degrees, he backed off a few steps until the heat radiating from the engine became more bearable, after all he had no intention to be sterilised by the heat coming from a burning engine.

So he peed into the burning engine, it was a huge mistake, as the fire roared and engulfed the surrounding oxygen and the flame became bigger than ever before. A few fireballs flew out from the burning engine.

"My balls! I cooked my balls!" Rei screamed in pain as he clutched his groin and jumped backwards. He did not actually burn his manhood, it was simply due to the fact that when the fire erupted in size without warning the fire came dangerously close to Rei's crotch area.

Again, the fire did not suddenly grow in size because of some freak event. It happened precisely for the same reason why you do not put out an oil fire by splashing water on it; all the deer meat contained some fat.

Subaru approached Rei and grabbed Rei's hand away from his crotch area, and then Subaru started to blow cold air onto Rei's manhood.

"WHAT THE $^&# ARE YOU DOING!? I'm not in the mood to-"

"I am trying to cool your manhood, do you want the heat to make you impotent?"

"Thank you but no thank you for being so considerate." Rei replied curtly as he quickly pulled up his pants.

"Come on don't be such a killjoy." Kogoro commented.

"Anyway with that fire eruption I guess all our foods are completely charred. How about we dance instead? It is bonfire after all." Agasa Hakase suggested.

Gin finally finished his shift and walked out from the back door, and what he saw shocked him so much that his jaws dropped open as he simply stared at what he was witnessing in bewilderment; not even the Organisation's training prepared him for such lunacy. His Porshce 356a was battered and smashed, its colour changed from black to pink and an enormous purple phallus was painted on the car, its engine was on fire and the smell was the worst he ever smelled in his life; not even the rancid decaying corpses smelled as bad. To add insult to injury five men whom he recognised were at the bar earlier, including fellow organisation member Bourbon, were dancing in circles 'round the burning Porsche as they chanted:

"_utsumuku sono senaka ni _

_itai ame wa tsukisasaru _

_inoru omoide mite ita…"_

"You ! #$%^&*#^*!, &$^ off my car!" Gin thundered when he recovered. Gin whipped out two 24 Karat gold .50 Action Express calibre Desert Eagle from his clothes, with each of his hands wielding a golden Desert Eagle he open fired at the five drunkards. (Author's note: In case you can't identity the lyrics, they are the vocal version of the Detective Conan theme song: Kimi Ga Ireba)

-to be continued (eventually)

* * *

><p>Post-story dialogue<p>

Gin: My Porsche! My Porsche!*sniff*

908-03: Come on don't feel so bad, I am quite sure whoever owns Detective Conan can give you a cooler car.

Gin: Wait, you don't own Detective Conan?

908-03: Since when did I said I own Detective Conan?

Gin: Wait, if you don't own Detective Conan, you don't own me. I CAN KILL YOU!

*Gin took out his Desert Eagle and fired at 908-03, but nothing came out from his gun*

908-03: I gave you that obnoxious gold gun, an object does not destroy its creator.

Gin: I don't believe you.

908-03 I created that rule, you see I am the creator of this fanfic.

Subaru: I was so drunk last night, what did I do?

908-03: You destroyed Gin's Porsche, violated its engine before setting it on fire, and then you cooked some food using the burning engine before dancing in circles around the destroyed car.

Subaru: This is too good and awesome to be true, I must still be drunk, I will just go back to sleep

908-03*snickers*: Beware your unexpected bed-mate when you wake up!

* * *

><p>So I hope you like this chapter, if you think this is a little too gross for your taste don't worry I think the gross-out humour will be toned down in future chapters. However I will never compromise on the outrageousness of the things happening in this fanfiction, having a chance to write outrageous and ridiculous situations and things conveniently is how I derive satisfaction from writing this story. <span><strong>Please leave a review<strong> and you are more than welcome to speculate how Masumi is going to force the truth out of a drunken Subaru, also if you have any ideas please suggest it to me because one day is the distant future(or not-so-distant future, depending on your sense of time) I will run out of ideas. The ideas themselves do not have to be inherently funny, because I can always try to find a way to make them funny.


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